Archive for the “Tales of the Dim Knight” Category
Continued from Part Twenty-Three
Downtown, Marco read the headline and cursed. “Welch ain’t that stupid.”
His right hand man, Whitaker, peered at him through grandma glasses that went well with the secretary gray trousers. “Then what happened?”
“The Emerald Avenger. He’s framed him, and I’ll bet you anything he framed those cops that were fingered for arson also.”
“How you gonna prove it?”
“I’m not. I ain’t Dick Tracy. The organization is suffering for my sin. Somehow or another, I have to end this. I’m gonna draw him out and take him down.”
“Boss, I’ll get some of the boys—”
“No, I’m going alone.” Marco got up and grabbed his coat. “Whit, if you don’t see me again, it’s been good knowing you.”
Continued Next Tuesday
Tales of the Dim Knight is available in Paperback form, in the Kindle Store as well as on Smashwords in a variety of formats. At both sites, you can get extensive free excerpts on your computer, or sent directly to your Kindle device from the Kindle store.
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Continued from Part Twenty-Two
Inside Welch’s e-mail one last time, the Emerald Avenger composed a reply to the last Nigerian e-mail, asking, “Did the wire arrive?” Below that, it included copies of all the messages that had been sent back and forth.
Welch sent his weekly report to the chief, but the Emerald Avenger intercepted it. The Emerald Avenger changed the e-mail address on the report to the Nigerian’s e-mail and sent the e-mail about the wire to the chief.
###
Welch checked his junk mail at work for the first time in weeks. “Earn $5,000 while you sleep!’ Morons. I know how to make twice that for doing nothing.”
The screen refreshed. The message had vanished.
“Weird.” Welch deleted the rest of his junk mail.
Chief of police Stone Bachman arrived with a police sergeant. Captain Welch rose from his desk chair. “Hi, Chief. I wasn’t expecting to see you today.”
The chief frowned.
The police sergeant said, “Are you Captain Jake Welch?”
“Yes, Sergeant, you work in my precinct. You should know that.”
“Sergeant, do your duty,” said the chief.
The sergeant dangled his handcuffs. “Captain Welch, you are under arrest for criminal conspiracy and money laundering. You have the right to remain silent. If you give up the right to remain silent . . . . ”
Welch stared. What the heck? That was outrageous! Guess the chief knew it. He had tears in his eyes. The chief walked away.
The sergeant finished reading Welch his rights, handcuffed him, and led him to lockup.
Continued Next Tuesday
Tales of the Dim Knight is available in Paperback form, in the Kindle Store as well as on Smashwords in a variety of formats. At both sites, you can get extensive free excerpts on your computer, or sent directly to your Kindle device from the Kindle store.
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Continued from Part Twenty
Captain Welch finished his meal at Fischer’s Café and took the check up to the front counter. He handed the waiter his credit card. After running it through the machine, the waiter handed it back. “Sir, your card was declined.”
“What?”
“Your credit card company wouldn’t pay.”
What an outrage! “I’ll have to call them.” He paid with his debit card.
At home, he called his bank at the number on his last credit card statement. “What is wrong with you morons? Why didn’t my credit card work?”
“Because you have no money,” the female representative replied in a patronizing tone. “I’m showing you transferred the entire $12,000 limit from your credit card to your checking account at 25% interest.”
“What? Why would I do that?”
“My records indicate you took all your money out of your checking account, your savings accounts, IRAs, CDs, and your home equity line to do a wire transfer and then needed the money from the credit card to reimburse your checking account.”
Dizziness and nausea stole over Welch. “What?”
“Sir, do you require our hearing impaired line?”
“No, I heard you. Do something about this, now!”
“I’ll file a claim, and we’ll look into it.”
“No, I want my money back, now!”
“I understand that, but unfortunately, we’re not in the habit of reversing $345,000 back into your checking account just because you don’t remember doing it.”
“I want a supervisor.”
“Sure, I’ll get one.”
Several unhelpful supervisors later, Welch cursed with what remained of his voice. “Fine, I’ll file you moron’s precious claim.”
Continued Next Tuesday
Tales of the Dim Knight is available in Paperback form, in the Kindle Store as well as on Smashwords in a variety of formats. At both sites, you can get extensive free excerpts on your computer, or sent directly to your Kindle device from the Kindle store.
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Continued from Part Nineteen
Mother Ines walked to her office. “Lord God, do Americans no longer read newspapers? Why has no one responded to the story on our work with the orphans of Brazil? Will you not provide for us? Soon, the mission’s coffers will be empty.”
In the doorway, Mother Ines froze. A briefcase sat on her desk. “Sister Agatha!”
Agatha ran into the office. She opened the briefcase and gasped. “It’s money.” She handed a typewritten note to Mother Ines.
I expect $320,000 American should feed a lot of children for a long time. Also, here’s 167,000 nairas.
Here’s to happier headlines,
Robin Hood
Tears soaked the cheeks of Mother Ines. “This is a miracle.”
“Mother, what shall we do with the nairas?” Sister Agatha asked.
“Save them for when we run out of toilet paper.”
Abena got up and shrieked. What was she doing in her underwear? What happened to her jeans and blouse? Her gaze fell on the men. She gasped—they were nude!
“Where are we?” John asked.
Olumide shivered. “It is so cold. And what’s with all these funny trees?”
As far as the eye could see, trees grew with sharp, dark green needles for leaves.
“Get out of my forest!”
They turned. In the trees stood a white man with a spear. He wore a loincloth cut from the skin of a North American gazelle, if Abena didn’t miss her guess.
The crazy white man waved his spear. “This is my forest. You go back where you came from.” He paused. “Except her.”
Galroni folded his arms. “Show some manners. She is not your property.”
Abena stiffened. The men would gladly sell her to the white man, for the right price.
“Who will defend her after you’re all dead?”
The four Africans fled across the wilderness from the crazy white man.
Continued Next Tuesday
Tales of the Dim Knight is available in Paperback form, in the Kindle Store as well as on Smashwords in a variety of formats. At both sites, you can get extensive free excerpts on your computer, or sent directly to your Kindle device from the Kindle store.
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Having trouble finding a Valentine’s Day present for that Superhero fan in your life? Look no further than Tales of the Dim Knight.
Tales of the Dim Knight is action packed Superhero Comedy that follows one Superhero fanboy as he achieves his ultimate dream-Superpowers. The comedy and the action are fun and entertaining. As Rick Copple wrote in his review, family and relationships play a big part in Tales of the Dim Knight:
Rather, the the real tension of the story evolves from the complications Dave’s secret job has for his wife and children, not to mention his enemies. The heart of the novel revolves around family, right and wrong, the misguided ways we tend to deal with our hurts, and grace, all wrapped in a light-hearted story that will have you chuckling and smiling.
In honor of Valentine’s Day, we are slashing the Kindle price to $2.99 through 2/14, that’s nearly 30% off, and the price of all other books to $3.02, or nearly 40% off the usual price. This is a great opportunity to have a good read at a great price.
Links:
To purchase the book for your Kindle, go here.
To purchase the book in another ebook format, purchase it at Smashwords using the coupon code, “WZ28W” to claim your discount.
The book is still available from our publisher in good old fashioned paperback as well as being on Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk for the U.K., and Amazon.ca for our Canadian friends.
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Continued from part eighteen
Welch entered the bank. Another police captain at the teller line sixty feet away turned his back and ran to bathroom. Welch shrugged. When you got to go, you got to go.
Where had he seen this guy before? That fella was so over the hill. Man, he’d started to age, but not as bad as that guy. He walked up to the teller counter.
The redheaded banker smiled. “Was there something else I could do for you, sir?”
Something else? The banker hadn’t done anything yet.
Welch handed over the affidavit. “I need to get this notarized.”
The banker waved across the room to a cubicle. “Sure, take a seat.”
Welch sat across from the desk. The banker took his seat and got out his notary book. “I’ve always wanted to go Africa. Don’t know about Nigeria, but Kenya would be nice.”
Why had they hired blathering idiots to work here?
On Welch’s way out, the banker called, “Hope you enjoy your Nigerian home!”
Welch rolled his eyes. What a moron.
Paul Galroni stood at his banker’s teller window.
The banker tapped his fingers together. “Mr. Galroni, this 46,814,271 nairas is quite a wire transfer.”
“I want 167,000 nairas, and the rest in US dollars.”
“You’re forgetting about your bank fees.”
Uh-oh. Galroni narrowed his eyes. “What fees?”
“Converting this into US currency and receiving the wire for you will be 1000 nairas. In addition, we require 500,000 nairas for covering this up in our ledgers, and 1,000,000 nairas for not reporting you to Interpol.”
“You’re a cheat.”
“So are you.”
Galroni grunted. “Fine.”
He exited the bank, eyes darting around. He clutched the briefcase that held $300,000 in US dollars tight against the pocket with the sack containing the 167,000 nairas.
Back at the apartment, he slid the briefcase under his bed and removed from his pocket the sack with the nairas that his friends expected. He eyed Olumide and John as they played poker. Good. Neither had noticed the briefcase.
Olumide glanced up and said in their native tongue, “Galroni, you rascal.”
He just wanted to know what his take was. Galroni sat at the table. “Olumide, you snake, deal me in. I got 167,000 from an American fishing boat captain.”
Olumide handed over the cards. “Fantastic.”
Abena entered with her head freshly shaven and glanced at Galroni’s bed. “What’s this?”
Stupid nosy female. Galroni jumped up and grabbed the suitcase. “It’s mine!”
She sent him a puzzled look. “I was talking about the blanket. It looks new.”
Galroni’s cheeks grew warm. “Oh. It was sent by my aunt.”
Olumide frowned. “What is in the briefcase?”
“I will not tell.”
Sharp cold steel pressed against the back of Galroni’s neck.
“Open it.” John withdrew the knife and stepped into view.
Trembling, Galroni opened the briefcase.
Abena’s eyes grew round. “How much is in there?”
Galroni gulped. Enough to pay for his funeral. “$300,000 US dollars.”
Three sets of eyes glared at him. Olumide said, “You were holding out on us. You were going to go to America and leave us here to risk our lives alone.”
“He’s greedy.” John flicked the knife blade. “Let’s split the money three ways.”
“Hold it right there!” demanded someone behind them in English.
The four turned. In the door stood a man wearing a black and emerald green suit and a gas mask. Coughing seized them. The world faded away.
Continued Next Tuesday
Tales of the Dim Knight is available in Paperback form, in the Kindle Store as well as on Smashwords in a variety of formats. At both sites, you can get extensive free excerpts on your computer, or sent directly to your Kindle device from the Kindle store.
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Continued from Part Seventeen
The Emerald Avenger entered the bank disguised as Welch. Jake Welch normally banked at the branch in Seattle, so the Emerald Avenger went to the Tacoma office. He walked up to a banker, an auburn college age kid with freckles, who stood at the front counter.
The banker said, “How can I help you?”
“I’m Jake Welch,”the Emerald Avenger said. “I need to do a wire transfer.”
“Sure. How much would you like to send?”
“$345,212.53.”
That got him arched eyebrows. “Buying a house?”
What? “Something like that.”
After the banker got Welch’s identification from the Emerald Avenger, the banker looked at Welch’s accounts. “Sir, you only have $8,000 in your checking account.”
Who did this guy think he was? “Like I didn’t know that! Transfer over all the available funds on my home equity credit line, my savings accounts, certificates of deposit, and IRAs.”
After all the fees, that left him with exactly enough money for the transfer, but an empty checking account would get caught sooner than he wanted it to be. He frowned like he was having second thoughts, but was too committed to back out. “You know, I need to eat. Transfer the available credit on my Visa card to my checking account.” At a very high interest rate.
The Emerald Avenger wet his lips each time he signed Welch’s signature on all the forms, which seemed to stack as high as in a cartoon. What if Zolgron was wrong, what if his signature wasn’t an exact forgery of Welch’s? What if it got traced back to Dave Johnson?
He gave the banker the scammer’s swift code—the number that said where to wire the money, apparently. The banker sent him a curious look. “You’re buying a house in Nigeria?”
Would he please stop asking questions? “Yes.”
The Emerald Avenger signed the last paper and grinned. Yes! Free at last!
The banker headed off to transmit the wire. The Emerald Avenger turned around and gasped at the man walking in—the real Jake Welch.
Continued Next Tuesday
Tales of the Dim Knight is available in Paperback form, in the Kindle Store as well as on Smashwords in a variety of formats. At both sites, you can get extensive free excerpts on your computer, or sent directly to your Kindle device from the Kindle store.
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Continued from Part Sixteen
In Nigeria, Paul Galroni checked his e-mail. He sent out a thousand e-mails every day running various scams out of his flat in Abuja, Nigeria. It used to be easy to make money, but now he’d be lucky to get one or two responses a day. This day, he had two.
He opened the first.
Dear Obusi,
How’s it going? I’d be more than happy to help you smuggle twelve million dollars into the US from stolen oil money. What do I need to do?
–Captain Jake Welch, Seattle PD
Strange, the first email was usually more skeptical. It’d been years since he’d enjoyed such naivety. He wrote back, “I need $1,200 to bribe local officials so I can get the money out of the country.”
He checked his second message:
Dear Sir,
It’s a shame you’re so greedy you’d destroy people’s lives. I pray God will save your soul and urge you to get right with Him soon, before it’s too late.
–Brother Elijah Collins
“First, I’d have to have a soul.” Galroni deleted the message.
Another message arrived from that Captain Welch:
My pal Obusi,
Hope you’re having a great day, buddy. Did you see the Mariners game? Are they broadcast in Nigeria? The Giants creamed them last night.
Do you really think $1,200 will be enough to hold off local officials? I’ve been taking bribes from crime lords for the past FIVE years, and we demand a lot more than that. You’ll need a lot of money to get out of Nigeria, and I want to help you. Tell you what. I’ll loan you $345,712.53. You go ahead and give me $6,345,712.53 of that $12 million when you get here, and we’ll call it even.
–Captain Jake Welch.
Galroni fell out of his chair. With that money, he could actually go to America.
He looked around the apartment he shared with four partners. Over $350,000, they would kill him. He’d tell them he got the standard $1,200. He replied to the message, “I am not aware of sea monsters battling giants or of the giants making butter out of them.” He glanced quickly over his shoulder and provided his bank account information.
Seconds later, another message arrived in his inbox:
Great! The funds will be sent out today.
–Captain Jake Welch.
Continued Next Tuesday
Tales of the Dim Knight is available in Paperback form, in the Kindle Store as well as on Smashwords in a variety of formats. At both sites, you can get extensive free excerpts on your computer, or sent directly to your Kindle device from the Kindle store.
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Continued from Part Fifteen
Zolgron cleared his throat. “Next on the list is Ross’s left arm, Jake Welch. To get him, you’ll need to send him an e-mail.”
Dave arched his eyebrows. “I’m going to terrorize him with threatening e-mails?”
“No, you’ll send him an attachment—us.”
The Emerald Avenger withdrew back to the real world and sat at his computer. He created a new free e-mail account and opened a new message window.
A miniature Zolgron appeared in the upper left corner of his screen. “Make the subject, ‘Earn $5,000 while you sleep!’”
“Huh?”
“We want to get sent to his junk mail folder.”
The Emerald Avenger sighed and typed the subject. He entered the computer and stood on the blue and white background of the free e-mail service. The Avenging Eagle sat at the bottom of the compose mail page. The header loomed as large as the Hollywood sign. He joined Zolgron inside the Avenging Eagle. “Okay, now what?”
“Press the ‘Send’ button.”
“Where’s that?”
Zolgron pointed to the ignition, or rather at the big orange button labeled “SEND” where the ignition should be.
“Oh.” The Emerald Avenger pressed it. A large crane clutched the Eagle. He grabbed the wheel and made a hard left to try and shake free. No good, the crane sent them shooting through a vortex.
Zolgron laughed. “Relax. All will be well.”
At the end of the vortex, another crane grabbed the Avenging Eagle and dropped them into another black hole. They landed with a jolt on top of a pile of a giant’s junk mail.
Zolgron screamed, “Get out!”
“But it’s twenty messages straight down.”
“Another will arrive any second. Our position will be much more precarious.”
The Emerald Avenger jumped from the Avenging Eagle and landed on his feet next to the tall stack. Zolgron followed him down. A message with the header, “Help xrqv” landed on top of their message with an ear-splitting crunch. Metal and glass rained down.
Zolgron studied the headers on the spam list. The Emerald Avenger glanced over the list. Most of them asked if Welch wanted to cheat on his wife or otherwise insulted his manhood.
After a moment, the Emerald Avenger asked, “What are we looking for?”
Zolgron pointed up. “There! It’s in message fifteen.”
The Emerald Avenger and Zolgron climbed up to message fifteen and crawled through the open door inside the first “O” of, “Quick in your response.”
The Emerald Avenger cleared his throat and read the message. “‘My name is Obusi Markfarwi, the son of the late oil Minister of Nigeria.’ Hey! This is the Nigerian scam where the person sending the e-mail pretends to be a relative of a deposed African dignitary offering millions of dollars to whoever can help them come to the US.” The Emerald Avenger glanced at Zolgron. “What are we supposed to do with this?”
“What else? Reply to it.”
Continued Next Tuesday
Tales of the Dim Knight is available in Paperback form, in the Kindle Store�(on sale this week for $2.99), as well as on Smashwords in a variety of formats. At both sites, you can get extensive free excerpts on your computer, or sent directly to your Kindle device from the Kindle store.
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Continued from Part Fourteen
The Emerald Avenger stood with Zolgron at Powerhouses waterfall. Wilson and Gordon look sure to be found guilty of arson.
Zolgron smiled. Splendid. That should take them out of circulation for about five years and then ruin the rest of their lives.
The Emerald Avenger sighed.
Zolgron frowned. Youre not happy. I dont understand. Everything went as planned.
I feel dirty inside, like I need a shower.
A stream of water burst from the sky, soaking him. Dave glared. I didnt mean literally!
The water stopped.
Dave wrung out his hair. Theyre not guilty of arson. We framed them.
Zolgron rolled his eyes. So? They are guilty of something worsebeing an accessory to murder and taking a bribe. Do you have any doubt that theyre guilty of that?
No.
Even if we were to share our information with prosecutors and we happened to get one who wasnt corrupt, they couldnt act on what we gave them because we got our information illegally and they have no probable cause to replicate our search legally.
The Emerald Avenger blinked. Whats probable cause?
My mistake. Youve spent your life watching Superman, not Law and Order. Just trust me. There was no way the law would get them for the crimes they committed. Therefore, we just helped justice along.
But with anything I do, I need to ask WWSD: What would Superman do? I cant imagine Superman doing this.
Zolgron sighed. Superman is a poor role model with unrealistic high moral standardsor at least the version youre thinking of did. The best philosophy with heroes is to find one who doesnt challenge you much, preferably one your actions are better than. Personally, I think you need to ask, WWPD?
Huh? What would the police do?
No, what would the Punisher do?
But the Punisher wouldve shot them in the face or blown them up with hand grenades.
And you were merciful enough to just frame them for a crime they didnt commit.
Im not sure youre right.
Zolgron thumped the Emerald Avenger on the back. Trust me. Youll feel better about yourself, and thats the most important thing. Dont think, Spider-man wouldnt approve of this. Think, The Punisher and Darkman would have no problem with this.
Yeah, but do I really want to be like them? Theyre kind of crazy.
Continued Next Tuesday
Tales of the Dim Knight is available in Paperback form, in the Kindle Store(on sale this week for $2.99), as well as on Smashwords in a variety of formats. At both sites, you can get extensive free excerpts on your computer, or sent directly to your Kindle device from the Kindle store.
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