Category Archives: excerpts

Your Average Ordinary Alien Sample

 Your Average Ordinary Alien is available on Kindle for 99 cents, below is an excerpt.

The Malnarian sank its teeth into the human’s well-tanned back. Blood spurted all over the purple rocks and green sand. An energy beam zapped the Malnarian in the back. It turned. Yornac stood in his priestly robe. “Leave him alone in the name of peace.”

Kirk leaned forward in his ice blue chair. Enough with the talk, Yornac. Zap that bad boy.

The Malnarian dropped the human and approached Yornac.

Yornac raised his hands. “You leave me no choice. By the power of the seven moons of Galvark, you will die.”

The Malnarian shrieked as its body decomposed. Yornac ran towards the human. “No, please, by all that is—”

An Earth woman about a meter and a half tall and of medium build blocked Kirk’s view. The spiky-haired vixen hit a button and the HD plasma television went black.

Recognition hit Kirk. He glared up at Terry. “What are you doing, woman? I need to find out what happened with Yornac.”

Terry rolled her eyes. “Relax. You Tivoed it.” She took a breath. “Kirk, I don’t know how to say this. So I guess I’ll just—I’m leaving.” Tears sparkled in her eyes.

Oh no. His sustenance was being cut off. And worse, who would keep his bed warm on cold winter nights?

He stood and put his arms around her. “Baby, I’m sorry. I know it’s been a bit of a cold spell since I got laid off.”

Terry shook him off. “It’s been four years since you were laid off, and all you’ve done is live off me. You’ve spent all your time and money at sci-fi conventions. Even if you looked for a job, you couldn’t find one after you changed your name.”

Kirk grunted, plopping on the ice blue couch. She didn’t think he was a loser back when he was earning $80,000 a year working for a dot com. She’d loved riding in his BMW and sitting in the hot tub of his plush apartment. Back then, it was all “you’re so funny and smart.” Now, after a short time out of work, she thought he was a bum. “Look, taking the name Kirk Picard Skywalker won’t stop anyone from hiring me. Come on, something’s changed.”

Terry paced past his collection of Star Wars posters. “It’s the church I’m going to.”

Kirk jumped up. “I knew it! Those religious fanatics have nothing better to do than disrupt our happy home.”

Terry bit her lip. “You said you were going to marry me when you moved in.”

“I will. Just give me more time. A former coworker in Japan e-mailed me a prospect.”

“Your old coworkers in Japan are twenty-something losers who stay in their pajamas all day and live in their parents’ basements.”

Kirk slammed his hand on his custom-made Stargate SG-1 coffee table. “Their garages!”

Terry rolled her eyes.

Kirk heaved a sigh. “Look, why believe this tripe about living in sin? All it has brought the world is suffering. When people let go of religion and embrace rationality, mankind will reach the stars and become gods.”

Terry gave Kirk a peck on the cheek, like she might give her brother. She ran her hand across his uniform shirt, touching the Star Fleet logo. “Kirk, that’s a nice story, but it’s not true. I can’t live like this anymore. I’ve got to go.” Terry strode toward the door.

What would he do without real human contact? Sure, she’d been the ice princess for the past few months, thanks to the Church, but as long as she stayed, he had a shot. He glanced up at the model UFO hanging from the ceiling “The Bible and science fiction don’t have to be contradictory. Ezekiel saw a UFO, and do you really think Jonah was swallowed by a whale? No, classic case of deep-sea alien abduction.”

Terry opened the door, but turned around. “I’m not even to that part of the Bible yet. Goodbye.”

“But wait!” Kirk spied the Star Wars ships and Klingon bird of prey hanging above the television. “You’re my Princess Leah! I’m a Klingon and you’re a female Klingon.”

Terry closed the door behind her. Kirk plopped on the couch. How was he going to pay the rent? This must be why she’d had him re-sign the lease in his name alone last month. Eight hundred dollars in five weeks. How was he going to come up with that?

He looked up at the life-sized, autographed Luke Skywalker action figure standing by the closet. Selling it would pay the rent. No, that would be joining the Dark Side.

Kirk cried, “I’ll never join you!”